Trauma Bonded Relationship !


 2022 has been the most amazing year, it made me realize a number of things. Opened my eyes to the abuse i was blind to see and acknowledge. 

I promised myself when i entered 2022, i would not indulge or be involved in anything that makes me lose my self worth, is dangerous to my mental health. But i failed miserably and ended up getting my heart and my mind crushing. 

Not only i lost the dream or should i say an illusion of an image i was holding onto but i believe God needed me to see my worth and made me understand how i can restore my peace by just letting go. 

I preached in my blogs but i felt like an hypocrite as i never actually implemented the same on my life. I was miserable, suffocated and toxic to the brim being in a relationship where i adapted to being a pleaser and was always giving thinking in anything and everything would show the other person to love me more. 

All in all i was losing myself, i hated the person i was becoming and always questioned my actions, my intentions, my values and was just drowning, spending my days and my evenings crying, making efforts desperate efforts to make him mine. 

His efforts, his words, his presence made it very clear and yet i never let go, until he himself ignored me and made me feel as if i never respected him and it's basically me who was always and forever wrong. 

It took a lot to take in, in terms of healing and recovering from a pattern i was so addicted to but i am glad my parents stood by me and never broke my spirit, my friends opened their hearts for me and hugged me when i needed them the most. 

The past year taught me so many things especially believing in one self and creating boundaries. My insecurities, a lack of self believe is what made me grew onto him and only consider his happiness, his time held value while everything else was in vain. I was so overly invested i forgot my God, the Highest, the most merciful and was struggling to give His name praises.

Thank you 2022 for making me Sana again and for all the blessings that you bought along. 2023 i promise to never let go of myself again. 

29 years of life went by and in each year i grew and learnt, still learning and hoping to always be strong and contented. 

Comments

  1. Sana Ehsan Usafxai8 January 2023 at 09:38

    Best wishes for the coming year ✨
    May the traumas of the year that's passed, got heal before u learn the lesson of the coming year.
    Warm regards

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. sana arif bhatti22 January 2023 at 01:26

      Thank you Sana Ehsan for the wishes and I am glad you read the blog, Keep supporting !

      Delete

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